(Part 3) I Think My Body Missed A Period To Show Me Just How Much I Didn't Want To Be A Mom

After a lifetime of being exceedingly regular, in December of 2022 I missed my period.

I spent most of my 40th year on the planet wondering if maybe I’d been wrong about not wanting kids and thinking maybe all those doomsday pro-parenting people on the internet were right about me. I hmmm’d and haaaa’d for almost 11 months, and then - after a lifetime of being exceedingly regular - in December of 2022 I missed my period. 

All of a sudden, I had the opportunity to watch my reaction to this information in real time. As the days passed without a single spot of definitive red or even hopeful pink in my panties, parenthood didn’t feel theoretical anymore.

I scanned my entire body - every little corner - looking, searching for a single iota of enthusiasm, joy, a tiny squeal of excitement buried away somewhere. As had been